A Blackened Heart
by nineandthreequarters23
Summary: Sirius Black starts to actually feel emotion to the shock of everyone. The Marauder's, 1976. None of them are prepared for their sixth year. And no one could have predicted the turmoil that ensues. SB/EV JP/LE general marauder's romance pairings. Rated M for language/sex/violence.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: HI! Please Review/Read. If there are any ideas or suggestions to this story just message me. I have other commitments so I will upload in bulk, hope you can deal with that. It's kind of a prologue but not at the side time... in other word my other chapters will be much longer, it's just cause this is meant to kick it all off. Thank you and enjoy (I hope)!**

Chapter One: Odds (Prologue)

**Sirius**

We all quickly filed into the hall. I looked around, the hall always did live up to its name. Every time I walked through the doors after the summer, I was always momentarily shocked by its beauty. My memory never captured it well enough after six weeks of being away. I looked around me, James smiled deeply, and he gripped my shoulder and whispered into my ear,

"This is going to be our year this year Sirius. I can feel it." He let go of my torso.

I just laughed at him shaking my head. It was our sixth year at Hogwarts together. This last summer had been the best I had ever had. For the first time ever I had gotten to go home, it had been my first summer living with the Potters. I never had to go back to the Black house, I never had to see my father again. The Potter's took me in this Christmas, but not before I went home for the holidays on my parents demand.

I did get a morbid surprise when I went home, they apparently had actually bothered to get me a birthday present this year. The whole time I was there they just kept talking and talking about this present. There was no mention of Christmas as always, we didn't celebrate the "muggle-founded" holidays in my house. I was so confused they usually didn't acknowledge my presence while I was with them, unless they wanted someone to practise a new hex on. Why would they have bothered to get me a present? I remember asking myself over and over. Secretly at the time I was hoping that they had begun to tolerate the fact that I had different views to them and maybe even decide to overlook it. So the morning of 28th of December my birthday I woke with excitement and a little hope in my heart. When I found out what my present was, I swear I nearly vomited.

My parents ever so kind and aware, had arranged a marriage for me. Of course I had to wait a year until I was a certifiable adult in the wizarding world. But all the same, my parents expected me, Sirius Black, to marry my snotty nosed vile cousin, Narcissa Black, in a year. Immediately I protested vehemently. I didn't want to marry someone at seventeen, let alone her! So after refusing my parents "gift" to me, they were of course furious. I remember them saying that they would beat the Black into me, but all they did was make me more determined to rebel away from the name. When they concluded I was a lost cause, after all the beatings and the cruciatus curses and my fight just to stay alive, they threw me out. Just onto the street with nothing on me, I had nothing. I didn't even have my name.

They had of course done this before. And I'd always gone back after a while. But this time it was different. I knew if I went back there would be no escape from them, I didn't want them to break me. I didn't want a Black life anymore.

So I did the only thing that I could think of, I ran away.

After much plotting I broke into the garden shed took my broom and rode all the way to the Potter's house.

It was the first place I had thought of. It was the only place I had ever felt at home apart from Hogwarts. So again after much planning, I walked up to the door, trying to not limp too much from the earlier beating and I knocked. Mrs Potter opened her arms to me, whilst shouting her husband and James to come downstairs, and as soon as I felt her embrace I cried. Now just so you know, I don't cry. Not ever. And if you ask me whether I did, I will deny it to this day.

Ever since that night I have been with the Potter's.

So whilst I glanced round the Great Hall and saw my best friend's face smiling back at me, I could help agree with him. This year was going to be our year.

We continued to walk forward heading towards our places, I spotted the tell-tale swish of Dorcas Meadows hips. She looked to be even sexier this year. However I was more interested in the girl beside her, Emmeline Vance. She had cut all her hair, it was now much shorter than it ever had been before. I loved it. Now there was just less hair that she could hide her beautiful features behind. Not that I would have noticed her features, however I did notice she seemed upset.

Even with her sadness on her face she was the most beautiful girl in the school to me. I looked away from her fast. I couldn't still have a thing for her surely. We took our places on bench, James next to me, Peter across with Remus. Why do we always like the ones we can never have?

"Well folks seems to me Dorcas is on rather fine form this year." James said boisterously to the men at the table.

"Two galleons that Black gets in her panties by the end of term." Remus laughed along.

I looked at Dorcas, she always had been sexy. She might be exactly what I needed to knock Emmeline out of my head. Vance would never in a million year take an interest in me, I unfortunately was everything she loathed and she would never give me the time of day to change her mind. Dorcas on the other hand looked like easy bait, and might fine distraction indeed.

"Two galleons and ten sickles, I get there first." Edgar Bones chimed in.

"Oh well I like those odds." James chuckled.

"You are playing a man's game here Bones, are you sure you are ready to take on the sex god Sirius Black?" I raised my eyebrow playfully at him as I jested with him. This was forming into a wonderful plan.

"I am ready." He said assertively while staring at me.

"Then you are on my friend." We shook hands across the table.

I stared down at the table, Dorcas was heavily involved in a conversation with Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon. But Emmeline stared back at me, she just looked hurt and a little shocked. She turned back to her food quickly dropping my gaze, ashamed to look at me any longer. There was a pain in my chest. I wanted to apologize immediately to her, even though I hadn't technically done anything wrong. I knew she had overheard.

Great move Sirius, if she didn't think I was a total dick before I've bloody well changed her mind now.

Why do I do this to myself again?

I had no chance with her now. Sometimes I can be a right prick. I pushed the thought away as best as I could. James was right about it being our year, I just wasn't sure whether it was going to be our year for the better or worse.

**A/N: So this is a bit of a rough opening, but the story gets a lot better from here I promise. Keep on reading please! Thank you, inbox me if you can think of any improvements! Thank you for reading, it means a lot!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi, thank you for the reviews! Read and review :)**

Chapter 2- Confrontation and Hatred

**Emmeline**

I hate Sirius Black. He was such a vile excuse for a human being. How could he just talk about Dee like she was a piece of meat? There to betted on and passed around his friends. All people are the same they just want to use everyone else in order to make their lives better. Worse yet, sometimes the reason was just because they could mess with others. How could someone so rotten and cruel look so nice? I pushed the thought to the back of my head. Under no circumstances did I think that he looked cute. Shit, I meant nice.

He wasn't nice or cute anyway. No one looked good that way, not since I realised that people just weren't good. Not since this summer anyway. No, I refused to acknowledge it here. Not at Hogwarts, not in my happy place. I would be strong.

I met Sirius's grey eyes. However whilst looking into his eyes, I couldn't be mad, I was just hurt. My anger fizzled when I met his questioning gaze and all that was left was the hurt.

Nothing made sense anymore. I looked away fast. I wouldn't let him break down my barriers. I had to carry on. It was just me now. And I refused to anything but be mad at him. I hate Sirius Black. I wasn't upset. I was fine. I had nothing to be hurt about. Nothing at all. He was simply a prize prick like the rest of them, and I wouldn't care enough about him to be hurt by him.

One thing I was shocked at was Edgar Bones, he was always such a nice boy. I guess they are all rotten when it comes down to it. He was always staring at Dee, we all had noticed it, well everyone but Dorcas herself. If he thinks that's the way to her heart, he's in for a shock.

Despite all the rumours and the offers from certain males in the school, Dee was very disinterested in sleeping around. Out of our group she was the one everyone wanted to lay. Well unless you were James Potter, then it was Lily you wanted. I always thought that she was a bit harsh to him and should maybe give him a shot. But now I understand her need for distance. Lily was the bookish one out of us all, if we ever needed to find her we would always check the library first. Plus she was handy at helping us with our homework too as she had the top grades in practically all the classes. Underneath it all, Lily had an undeniable amount of love for us all, but she wouldn't let it show to anyone but us. Marlene or Mac as we know her, was our mother essentially. Which was good for me now, I needed that more than ever after this summer. She looked after us all no matter the cost to herself and was never far behind from giving us all a good lecture. Mac was quick to temper too, she was always on guard and ready to defend us. And me? I'm not really sure. I guess I used to be the quiet hopeless romantic who knew her way around a broom.

At least I still knew my way around a broom. There was only one thing wrong with Quidditch, the whole time I was there, Sirius just stared at me. He wanted his next meal, I was certain. But I couldn't ever break his gaze. This year I didn't think I could deal with those steely grey eyes looking at me, not after everything. People like him should get their comeuppance.

I turned to my friends and interrupted them feverishly.

"Did you hear what Pothead, Black and Bones were saying just then?" I glared at them.

"Somehow I get the feeling that we aren't going to want to know." Lily sighed into her goblet looking a little deflated by the prospect of hearing my tale.

"Tell us Em," Mac demanded.

"You will be pissed Mac. It was about Dee."

Dee turned her head questioningly but then simply shrugged her shoulders. She knew it would just be something she'd have heard before.

"Tell me please Em." Mac pleaded. Lily groaned.

"Go on tell us." Lily rolled her eyes at me as if exhausted with it all.

I knew I shouldn't tell Mac. Dee yes I should tell, though it would have no effect on her anyway, I knew she would turn them down with or without the knowledge. Lily would rather live in ignorance from James's and his gangs' stupidity. But Mac? Mac would hex their balls over to Merlin's graveside. I knew I shouldn't tell her. But it was out there now. And I wanted someone else to be in pain.

"They were placing bets on whether Sirius or Edgar could get into Dee's knickers first before the end of term." It was a fast stream of revenge that slipped out of my mouth sooner than I could do any damage control.

Mac quickly picked up her fork and threw it down the table directly hitting Sirius in the chest. The whole table came to a silence. The other tables followed close behind.

"Hey Jackass," Mac shouted at them. To which Sirius cheekily twisted himself round pretending it wasn't him she was addressing.

"Alright Mac, good holiday?" Remus quickly chimed in trying to control the situation at hand.

"It was perfect until you lot reminded me I was back here having to put up with your shit." Mac replied tight lipped.

"I think there has been a slight misunderstanding here." James squawked.

"Shut up Pothead. You know exactly what's going on. You caused it as usual." Lily snapped at him, he recoiled quickly.

"Leave it guys, it doesn't matter honestly." Dee smiled at us.

"See the lovely lady in question doesn't mind, so why should we?" Sirius barked his joyous laughter.

"Because you should have more respect for another human being than just a lump of flesh you can use and toss around your mates." I bit fast at him, stopping his laughter in one. Most people stared at me now. I never bothered to get involved in the two tribes' quarrels before now.

Dumbledore entered the hall as if on cue. "This isn't over Black, I will talk to you later in the common room I'm sure. And Edgar you aren't getting off easy either." Mac words dripped venom. I was sure glad in that moment I wasn't Sirius or Edgar.

* * *

><p>As we headed back to the common room I couldn't help but think we were probably the luckiest generation yet of Hogwarts students. We had the brilliant mind of Albus Dumbledore as headmaster. I wasn't sure whether there would ever be a greater man to carve the next generation of the wizarding world than him. Of course he was only saying the standard things, everyone is to respect curfew etc. but he had the most enthralling quality about him that made all of his words mesmerising.<p>

Most students by the time they have reached their sixth year in Hogwarts like myself hate siting through the sorting once again as it does become a tad repetitive. However each year I looked forward to it. Not to see the terrified faces of the first years as the approach the sorting hat, but to see the houses faces when that student is then part of their house. There is never a sad face from anyone in the house when the new member is announced. Although there maybe a few envious faces from the other houses, in that moment the welcoming sensation is overwhelming.

I remember when I first came to Hogwarts I was terrified. I had no idea what was going on. I had just been introduced to this whole new world that apparently I belonged into. I thought I would be the only muggle born there, I was so scared that it meant I would be less magical than the others. Even though Professor McGonagall assured me otherwise when she visited my family, I still had residual doubts.

Then I met Lily on the train, and we shared our muggle heritage and eased each other about our insecurities. The excitement began to take hold. Mac and Dee joined our carriage shortly after and our friendship was solidified in place. Dee eased both of us was she shared that her mother was a muggle born like us both and that she fitted into both worlds with an exceptionally good balance. Mac comforted us both by answering any of our questions, and there were a good few. All of us came from very different backgrounds, even Lily and myself, but in that carriage we found out that we were all just as scared as one another. For different reasons, but scared all the same.

Lily caught up with me and released me from my dream world as she linked my arm, she nudged me gently in an affectionate way that only she could do, "So while we all do like your new hair Em, I can't help but wonder what was the reasoning behind the scissors?"

I smiled at her blissful ignorance, "I was just a little desperate to look like someone else for a change."

"Well then sweetie, I'm sorry to tell you but no matter what you look like, you will always be the same Em to us." She gave my arm a little squeeze.

"Thanks Lily." Her beautiful green eyes held my gaze, she always did make me feel better. "How was your summer?"

"It was eventful thanks Em. The car broke completely this time, and so my parents were in a right tizzy about it of course. Luckily though my dad just got a promotion at the paper, so we got a new car. Which I sure you know it's always a nice feeling. I spent less time than normal with Severus much to Petunia's delight of course. Other than that the usual and of course the little things I've already told you about. How was yours?"

"It was fine." I panicked I didn't want to talk about my summer. My brain was screamed at me to deflect and avoid and fast, "How come you didn't spend much time with Snape? I thought outside of Hogwarts you two were good friends?" I sighed deep. It had worked, for now at least.

"Well… You see…" she paused in great thought, "I knew it was bound to happen one day."

We were suddenly interrupted. The familiar screech of Mac voice could be heard. Lily looked at me and rolled her eyes once more. I laughed for a few seconds at her.

We both forced our way to the front of the fat lady portrait hole and climbed through quickly. I knew I shouldn't have told her.

There in front of us was Edgar Bones backed into a wall by Mac's accusing pointing finger as she screamed at him. Black and Potter were nowhere to be seen. If they had any sense about them, they wouldn't hide. That way Mac didn't have time to build her fury into any deep hatred filled plan.

Dee was at the front of the crowd that had recently developed and seemed to be growing from the looks of things. We made our way over to her.

"How bad is it?" I inquired at Dee.

"Do remember that time we transfigured all her clothes pink?" Lily immediately started to laugh, it had been her handiwork after all. I smirked along with Dee in acknowledgement.

"I may happen to remember that time." I giggled.

"Well its worse."

"Really?" Lily suddenly stopped laughing. We all looked serious.

"Afraid so." Dee answered.

"Well then, we may as just sit back. She is way too far gone for us to make any impact now." We all sighed. They both knew I was right.

"And I thought you were a decent guy. We all know you have always had a thing for Dee. This whole time we have been trying to build you up to her, to make her see you are different from the others. But you aren't are you?" she paused from her rant, indicating he had to answer her question.

"Err…" he voice shook as he pondered.

"Well then, go on. Answer!" she shouted at him.

"Err… Well… Err. I am different really! It was just a joke." He replied.

There was a joint intake of breath from most people in the room.

"Just a joke hey?" Mac said rather calmly. "WELL SOME OF US DON'T FIND IT VERY FUNNY WHEN YOU PIMP OUT OUR FRIENDS! How dare you? You are just like the rest of them. Little joke here, another one there. It's all just a laugh and everything is fine. WELL IT'S BLOODY WELL NOT FINE!" she screamed at him.

"I know that now! I'm sorry!" Edgar quickly chimed in.

"Oh you are sorry now! Well that's all very nice, but you shouldn't have to say sorry in the first place! And you are saying it to the wrong person! What about Dee in all this? HOW DO YOU THINK SHE FEELS?" everyone inclined their heads towards Dee. Which of course made her look to the floor.

"Not good?" he said carefully.

"NOT GOOD? Not good? I will give you not good!" Mac screamed and lunged forward.

As she lunged forward though, there was a sound of barking laughter that only belonged to one person. And where Sirius was, James was never far behind.

Macs attention was suddenly re-diverted. The crowd instantly split as she headed towards them.

"AND YOU TWO!" she shrieked.

"Seems like we have been missing a good show James." Sirius laughed loudly.

"I'd have to agree Sirius." James joined in with the laughter.

"Do you think this is funny?" she demanded quietly. "DO YOU THINK THIS FUNNY?"

Their smirks quickly disappeared.

"Mac they aren't worth it." Lily shouted to her.

"You two think you are so great. When actually all you are is a pair of bullies who don't care who gets hurt in the process of your jokes. BOTH OF YOU MAKE ME SICK!" she advanced forward to them ever closer.

"James started it." Sirius gestured quickly to his friend next to him.

"Don't blame me! Sirius carried it on! What are you doing mate? We go down together!" James rambled quickly.

"No way James, if I can escape the Mac fury, I will!" he told James fast.

"I don't care who started it! I DON'T!" Mac directed at them.

"Well I do." Lily stated.

"Lily, it wasn't how you think." James said painfully to her.

"Sure it wasn't Pothead. GOD will you EVER change?" she demanded from him.

He just stood there. Lily quickly turned away from him and walked away from the crowd. Dee followed her.

"Lil? Please?" he begged he moved forward to chase after her, but Mac pushed him back.

"Come on guys, we weren't ever actually going to follow through! Everyone lighten up. I know, you are all invited to our welcoming party to kick off the year in style on Friday, the room of requirement. Be there or be salamanders!" Sirius jested to the crowd, there were of course a few quiet exclamations of yes, most people just stayed silent.

"Lighten up Sirius? Do you really think you can pry us off with party invites?" she gathered herself together, "You call yourself a man? All you are is Horn Tailed Slug, and that's on your best day!"

"Well that's just a bit harsh!" Sirius exclaimed, "Listen Marlene, we were only saying what everyone else was thinking. Every guy wants to have a go."

I winced, I knew what was coming next. "You're in for now mate." Someone shouted from the crowd.

"WHAT?"

"Come on Mac, let's just go." I tried to soothe desperately.

She ignored me. "It's the truth and you know it, she's the Gryffindor wet dream." Sirius looked rather impressed with himself.

Mac's fist quickly connected with Sirius's nose. James burst out laughing. Black's nose started to pour with blood. Most people just stood there shocked.

"She hit me! She fucking hit me!"

"Maybe you will have a little more respect next time!" Mac shouted at him as he clutched his bloody nose. She turned away fast. Everyone in the crowd dispersed until it was just me staring at Sirius and a laughing James.

"Vance?" he called out to me gently.

"You disgust me Black. Leave me alone." I whispered to him.

I turned away from them both and walked away. Ignoring Sirius calling after me. His eyes lingering in my mind as I walked away. I really do hate Sirius Black. I really do.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is viewing this, :)! Read and review please!**

Chapter 3: Appearances and Disappearances.

**Sirius**

"Do you think Lily will come tonight?" James asked as we hurried through the corridor to Potions.

We were already ten minutes late.

We might have slept in after late night arrangements for the party tonight. Either way we got what we needed smuggling it all out of the kitchens gradually under the invisibility cloak until the early hours of the morning.

The others had kindly left us in bed and set off without us.

"Prongs, how would I possibly be able to know what is going on inside Evan's head?" I raised my eyebrow at him in reply.

"Well you know more than I do about this stuff." James shrugged.

"Honestly mate I don't know our last conversation with the Charlie's Angels didn't exactly go very well now did it?" I chuckled. Vance's disappointed face flashed up at me quickly, I shrugged it off soon after it appeared.

He looked very sad all of a sudden. "Cheer up mate, I swear I saw her glance over at you for a solid two minutes in the common room the other day." I lied.

"Really?" He immediately perked up.

"You bet." I smiled widely at him, "Now can we talk about this later, Slughorn is going to have our balls on a platter."

"I knew we should have joined the Slug club. Why didn't we accept again?" he inquired much to my irritation.

"I believe that was down to one of your misguided plans about trying to get Evans to notice you. If I remember correctly you were certain she hadn't been invited because you thought Slughorn was another moronic blood status elitist, even though we all told you otherwise that she had been invited, and so you were going to use the thinner numbers in the common room to talk to her and so you decided you wouldn't go." Prongs had a different plan each week about how to get her to fall madly in love with him.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Why didn't you join though?"

"I think you will find that I just thought it was lame. I have better thing to do with my time Prongs." I boasted boisterously at him.

He laughed, breaking into a brisk jog, "Come on Padfoot, hurry up we're going to be late." He jeered after me.

At least he had cheered up. "Was that a challenge James?"

"I believe it was Sirius." He chuckled back at me.

"Then, as always, you are on my friend."

I ran past him much to the displeasure of the outraged face behind me.

As we descended down through the levels of the castle towards the dungeons, I couldn't stop myself from quietly wondering whether or not Vance would make an appearance tonight.

* * *

><p>One of the best things about having a party in the room of requirement, is that it is minimal effort. Practically everything you need is there as you walk through the door. The room of requirement was probably the worst kept secret in the whole of Hogwarts. Everyone knew about it, and most had been in at least once, for varying reasons mind you.<p>

The party was in full swing now. The firewhiskey was flowing and the majority were dancing. As usual the word had spread that there was a Marauder's party occurring and there was more guests than we anticipated would come. Fortunately for us the Marauder's have always been known for a throwing the most crazy parties. Of course I may be a tad biased on this, but I do truly believe without us Hogwarts would be truly boring.

I had begun to relax and let things take their course now. Just observing and drinking, waiting for there to be enough alcohol in my system to join in with the dancing.

I could make out Wormtail by the sofa showing some poor hufflepuff girl some low key magic tricks. Only basic sparks and things of course. The girl almost seemed interested, good for Peter I thought to myself. He needs someone in his life just like everyone else.

I still hadn't found the face I had been searching for.

I spotted a very drunk looking Prongs. He never could handle his firewhiskey very well. Once again he was talking to a sour faced Lily. She didn't exactly seem amused by his presence. Now call me crazy, and this may be due to James' crazy mumblings to me over the years, but eventually I reckon they will end up married. It's too hard to deny someone that loves you that much for so long. James was now running after Lily while she walked away from him. Okay I admit, it may take a while.

Remus was in the shadows in the corner of the room. Quietly observing too. Remus didn't drink, and shockingly we all respected it, never spiking him. He never gave us a reason why. My theory is that he doesn't want to lose any more control than he already has to.

And I still hadn't found the face I was searching for.

Was she here?

All of her friends were. Marlene was on the dance floor with some ravenclaw guy, and Dorcas was laughing along with Edgar. Well they seemed to have patched things up at least. Lily was still being chased by Prongs. So where was Vance?

She definitely wasn't here anyway. I had searched the room more thoroughly than the elves would have. Merlin, was she avoiding me? Was she still annoyed for the Dorcas comment? I thought it was okay now between us all.

Pull yourself together, I instructed to myself. I'm beginning to sound like Prongs! I'm in over my head. I had always had a handle on this, what was happening to me?

It was killing me not knowing where she was. Fuck it, I'm taking a risk.

I walked over to the dance floor knowing my target. I tapped on her shoulder beneath the white blonde set of curls. Marlene spun around fast.

"This had better be urgent Black." I heard the urgency in her voice. I must have interrupted something.

"I was just wondering, where's the other powerpuff girl tonight?" I grinned back at her begging in my head that she didn't inquire any further. The amount of alcohol intake she'd had hopefully lowered her detective instinct enough.

"She didn't feel like coming out tonight apparently. She said she felt ill or something. She's probably just in the common room alone listening to the sound of the sleeping first years." She laughed at herself and went to turn back away.

"Thanks McKinnon."

"Why do you want to know Black?" she suddenly shot back at me.

"Err…" I just stood there, unable to think of anything decent to say. Come on brain work faster!

"You better not be up to something Black." She interrupted.

"Come on Marlene, you know yourself, I am always up to something." I winked quickly at her and made my escape quickly.

I exited the room of requirement stealthily. Hoping that none of my friends would notice my absence, or at least if they did notice, they didn't send out a search party for me. Hopefully they would just think I had gotten lucky with some girl.

I stood in the corridor for a long time, questions in my mind piling on top of one another like spun sugar quills.

Why was I doing this?

Should I be doing this?

When I see her, what the hell was I going to say to her?

I needed a reason that I would have left the party alone and headed to the common room. I wasn't going to be caught out again tonight.

I had it! I could say I left something in my dorm.

I started to walk back to the common room. A little voice in my head patronisingly said to me, what if she asks what it is you have left in your dorm?

I really just needed my brain to shut up. I could say that I had forgot my flask, or something.

The fat lady beamed down at me, "Password?"

"Hang on, just give me a minute." I replied. I just needed a few minutes to relax.

I angled myself out of earshot. "Okay mate, no need to be nervous. She's just a girl after all. And you are Sirius Black, the school sex god, just breathe. You can do this." I whispered my pep talk to myself hoping no one had heard. After a speedy observation, everything seemed okay.

I faced the fat lady again. "Okay ask again."

"Password." She stated sternly.

"Hippogriff." The portrait swung open.

I climbed through the hole. As soon as I saw her all of my earlier excuses and plans left my head.

She was hunched over what seemed to be a rather strange photo album. Her shoulders were heaving from crying. My heart sank. I would have sold my soul to put a smile on her face. The portrait closed with a quiet creak. She inhaled quickly and turned towards me.

There were far too many tears down her face. I had never seen anyone in my life look so sad. For a while we both just stayed perfectly still. I didn't know how to react, I'm not exactly the shoulder girls used to cry on. I had intruded on something too personal.

More tears fell down her face and she shook her head at me, as if to say that the secret was out now. I moved cautiously over to her. She didn't flinch, I sat on the sofa with her.

Before I could do anything, she moved into my side. Her body shook with tears, I put my arm around her shoulders. I went to move the photo album from her lap, but she grabbed it holding it in place.

"No. Not yet." She sniffed. I let go of the album.

We sat there for a good solid ten silent minutes. I was unsure of what to say. However she didn't seem like she wanted to talk anyway. I started to stroke the short smooth ends of her hair and the cries became quieter.

"Thank you."

"For what?" I replied rapidly.

"For this. Letting me cry without any questions or prods." Little did she know that the only reason I hadn't asked was because I didn't know how.

"You're welcome." I carried on stroking her dark hair.

"My mum died." Her voice was completely stable, she telling me facts now, not emotions.

What was I meant to say to that?

"Oh." I managed. What the hell was that? A girl tells me her mum died and I say Oh! "I'm sorry for your loss." I tried to redeem myself desperately.

"She was murdered this summer." There was a pause while she took a breath, "She was walking home from our friend's house around the corner, and these people just stabbed her. There was no reason behind it. They just killed her."

This was obviously where I was meant to say something, but I really had no idea as to what. I wasn't the right guy for this. She needed Lupin, he was great at stuff like this. She needed anyone but me.

"My Dad is a complete wreck. I can't do anything to help him. We were never really that close anymore, me and my Dad. Over the years we have just separated. Mainly I think it's because we don't really have much in common anymore. Me and my mum, were different you know?" there were a few more tears now, but she seemed relatively stable.

"Yeah sure." I replied.

"I can't believe I'm telling you all this." She chuckled to herself trying to put her brave face back on, "honestly I'm such a fool."

"You aren't a fool."

"Thanks." She wiped her eyes and moved the photo album onto the coffee table.

"No problem. Anytime." I smiled softly at her.

She adjusted herself and sat upright. My arms felt empty.

"Sirius just one last thing."

"Anything Vance." I was sad that our chat was coming to an end, and then felt immediately guilty for being sad about her recovery.

"Don't tell anyone about this." She looked very serious all of a sudden, "No one here knows but you."

"But wouldn't you want your friends to know, surely they can help you more than I can with this?" I advised her.

"I'm not ready just yet. I don't want anyone to know." she nodded affirming her view.

"Okay then, consider it done."

She picked up her things and walked away. As she reached the stairs I called after her, "Vance?"

"What?" she turned to face me.

"If you do need someone to talk to then, I'm here. I may not be the best option, but the offer is there if it's ever needed."

"I may take you up on that Sirius." And with that she gave me a brief smile and walked up to her dorm.

I sat there unsure of what to do now. I no longer felt in a party mood that was for sure. After a while I decided to head to bed. I knew from that moment on I would do my best to be there for her no matter what. I might not be the best guy, but I was the only one.

And I was determined to find a way to help her smile again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reads this it means so much! M will be coming soon…. As always read and review. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 4: Study Time

**Emmeline**

"I have never been more glad it's a weekend." Lily mumbled into her pillow.

"Urgh I don't think I would have been able to get out of bed for anything." Mac's voice was still very heavy with sleep.

"Edgar was so nice to me last night, I didn't know he had that side to him at all." Dee sighed.

"Good party then guys?" I shouted in a loud voice at them all, a unanimous groan answered me.

I laughed at their exhaustion and state of hangovers, at least they all seemed to have fun last night. I actually felt a little lighter than I had done as of late. Probably due to the relief of telling someone about my mum. I kept seeing his grey eyes flash through my mind. The immediate comfort that I felt when he put his arm around me was absurd. Out of all the people in Hogwarts: it had to be him to walk into the common room.

Mostly I was pleased that it had been him, but in other ways I wasn't so sure.

I didn't need a relationship right now. I had been directly running away from it. Then the guy who I might have had a crush on for years is suddenly comforting me! I needed this to not be confusing. I needed Sirius to talk to about it all. But at the same time, with him there, there was going to be a whole other angle on this now. It didn't want anything to become complicated, but I had a feeling that it already was more complex to unravel.

I would just have to be careful around him. Be prepared enough that I was ready to let go of him if I got too attached.

A rather large grunt broke my thought pattern. Mac was really not having a good morning from the sound of things.

"We both love studying Muggle Studies. He said that he wants to know more about muggles because he feels that it is something he has always missed out on coming from a wizarding family and all. Also that he has always found muggles rather brilliant and intelligent getting by without magic. The more he learns he says, the more he loves the subject." Dee rambled to us all rather dreamingly as none of us truly acknowledged her lovesick babbling.

"Sorry guys but I've got to head out, as normal. I said I'd meet Benjy to go Hogsmead with him. I will be sure to give him your love though Mac." Fred laughed malevolently as she left the dorm.

Fred was the other girl in our dorm. She was truly lovely and she stayed with us a lot, but her true alliance was to Benjy Fenwick, a ravenclaw boy in our year. She had known him a long time. She has always said they are just friends and in this case it might actually be true. Fredwinna was technically her full name, but she demands you call her Fred instead. She had always defended us in our squabbles and held us when we cry. I'm sure if she was around more she would slide right into our little group.

"What was she talking about then Mac?" I asked cautiously.

"That was the guy you were with the whole night! I remember now." Lily laughed, "Yeah they were getting very friendly if you catch my drift." She looked rather smug.

"What is this then, Mac and Benjy act one?" I laughed. Closely followed by Lily and Dee laughing loudly as well.

"Shut up guys." Mac mumbled into her pillow.

"I thought you had a thing for Remus." Dee chimed in.

"What?" Lily and I said in unison.

"Well they're always talking about 'issues of the time', and he always asks her opinion first, they always partner up for stuff in class. I just figured that they had a thing brewing." I was shocked. I would have never guessed that one. But now thinking back over it, I had to admit Dee was right.

"Guys please just be quiet." Mac propped herself up onto one elbow. "I had a lot to drink last night, and I'm not used to it unlike other's in the room." Mac shot us all look.

"Talk to us Marley." Lily cooed ignoring her glare.

"I need to talk to Benjy and just tell him that it was a mistake." Mac sighed.

"So Dee's right then?" I asked curiously.

"She might be. If you guys tell anyone though I will disown you all. Remus doesn't have a clue himself yet." she pointed her fingers at us all accusingly, "I've completely cocked things up."

"No, it'll be fine." I reassured her.

"Okay for you to say, you haven't got anything to worry about." She snapped back at me, if only she knew the truth. I breathed deep and ignored the sudden pain. "Remus doesn't look at anyone in that way, I have no chance. He sees me as a fellow intellectual, not girlfriend material." She continued.

"Just because you both have similar views on things and take note of the world around you, doesn't make you an intellectual. More importantly you don't know how he sees you until you try Mac. " Lily pushed.

"You want to talk about relationships Lily?" Mac argued again at Lily.

"We are only trying to help, chill out Mac." Dee bit at Mac.

There was a thick silence between us all. I was fine. I was, really.

"I know, I'm sorry guys. It's just, between the massive headache and this, I got a bit pissed. Promise I'll be on my best behaviour now." Mac smiled at us.

"Good now that's settled. How was your night last night Em?" Lily looked at me affectionately.

I couldn't tell them. If I told them that I'd met Sirius, they would all want to know what about, or how the conversation started. I wasn't ready to tell them. I didn't want to add this to everything else they had going on. I was scared that they would all change around me. Censor what they say around me, and act all weirdly. I couldn't stand the thought of loosing my friends as well as my mum.

At the same time though, all I wanted was to tell them all about Sirius. They had all at one point or another guessed I had a crush on him. Of course I'd always denied it. Knowing they would all tell me I was better off without him and to snap out of it, admit that he would just use me. Now I just needed to tell them how nice he was to me, and how when he held me for a while the pain disappeared and I felt like there might actually be some good people in the world. Even though I knew couldn't tell them how much better he made me feel, without revealing the reason in the first place, I couldn't see a way of telling them without losing them too.

The worst thing about this whole thing was the fact that my mum would know exactly what to do. All I wanted to do was tell her. Ever since I left Sirius's arms I wanted to be writing that owl to her. Merlin I really hated this.

"It was fine." I lied, it had been amazing to get all this off my chest.

"Well what did you do then?" Mac asked me.

I started to pack some school supplies into a bag. I needed to get that transfiguration essay done anyway and I knew that I was a pretty bad liar.

"Pretty much just stayed in here reading a book I found in the summer." There was a slight nod between my three friends as if it was what they had all thought anyway, "I need to get this essay done for transfiguration. I'm going to the library, do you guys mind?"

"No go ahead." Mac smiled lovingly at me, seeming that she was gradually slipping into a better mood.

"I might see you in there later. That's if I ever make it out of bed." Lily gave a small chuckle.

I pulled my bag onto my shoulder and headed out of the dorm. I hoped to avoid a certain pair of shockingly beautiful grey eyes on my way out of the common room. I breathed a sigh of relief when I didn't see him. That was something else to worry about.

What am I meant to say to him now? Sorry I ruined your shirt and took advantage of your shoulder while you were wasted, but if you don't mind can I talk to you about my dead mum in future?

Why do I always make such a prat out of myself?

I settled down into a chair in the library, and pushed all thoughts of my mum and Sirius away. It was time to study. This was one of the few retreats I had left in the world.

* * *

><p>I had managed to hide away for a good few hours. Hibernating deep within my work. I had finished the transfiguration essay in the first hour.<p>

"Hey I have been looking for you everywhere." His melodic voice settled in my mind whilst I looked up from the stack of parchment.

Now I sat facing those very same grey eyes I had been running away from.

"Earth to Vance…Are you there? Houston I believe we have a problem." Sirius imitated talking into a radio. I laughed loudly at him, it felt so good to laugh. It had been so long since I laughed that the sound was foreign to me, hopefully that could be something Sirius could help me with. Suddenly I felt a lot better than before. Madam Pince looked over at us both glaringly.

"We better go elsewhere, before Pince has my balls. She doesn't exactly like me." Sirius looked a little scared as he saw her expression.

I began to pack my things away. Sirius put his hand on my waist to hurry me out the library. "Quickly please, one day I would like to have children." He whispered in my ear. I laughed even harder than before as we exited.

"Right so you have me Black, what is it you want to do then?" I said between the ends of my laughter.

"I was hoping we could talk. I wanted to check you were okay." He looked rather sincere, my heart swelled at his concern.

I'm a bad person. A very bad person.

"I'm fine." I flashed the rehearsed smile, I'd given so many lately that it had become second nature to use it around other people.

"Cut the crap Vance, this is me. You don't have to pretend around me." He glared at me.

"Well this isn't exactly a suitable conversation to have in the middle of the corridor." I snapped back at him.

"Okay fine then." Sirius grabbed my hand and began to lead me somewhere.

"Sirius, what are you doing?"

"Taking you somewhere we can talk. You aren't getting out of this one Vance. Not with me at least."

I stayed quiet. His hand was rough and calloused against mine, reminding me yet again that he was a male in every sense of the word. It felt amazing against my own hand. We came to an abrupt stop, I slammed into the back of Sirius, trying hard not to blush.

A door appeared in the wall, I knew where we were. Both of us stood outside the room of requirement. I did marvel at his genius, of course it would be the perfect place.

"Just to talk?" I said this more for my benefit than his.

"Of course." He barked a laugh.

He opened the door holding it open for me, "after you m'lady."

"Why thank you kind sir." I replied.

Was I flirting? Is this flirting? Snap out of it Emmeline.

There were a few sofas in the room, a big comforting fire and a kettle on the coffee table in the corner. It was smaller than normal, more intimate.

"Cup of tea?" I blinked back him, after a few short moment of shock I nodded at him.

Sirius Black was making me a cup of tea. If I had told myself this a few months ago, I would have laughed for ages, or admitted myself into St Mungo's.

"Sugar?"

"Three please." I smiled at him.

"Three?" he mocked.

"What can I say? I need sweetening up." I shrugged my shoulders at him.

He laughed and brought the two mugs of tea over to the sofas, I sat down. I began to relax, I didn't need to fake anything with him any more. Plus the sofa really was very comfortable.

"Been in here before?" he raised his eyebrow.

"Yes once," he chuckled to himself at my reply. I blushed quickly realising what he had inferred, "no I only came in because I needed the toilet and as I was walking past this door appeared in the corridor. My interest was piqued, what can I say?" his eyebrow raised again, "It's not for the same reason you come in here." I said hurriedly, Sirius looked rather disheartened at my comment.

There was a moment of awkward silence between us. Why did I say that anyway? He wasn't exactly going to deny it, there was no point.

"How are you this morning?" He smiled at me, his smile didn't match the rest of his face; but it was nice that he was trying.

"Actually I feel a little better about it all. Think I just needed to get some of it off my chest." I smiled back at him.

"Understandably, I don't understand how you kept it to yourself for so long."

"Guess I'm a lot stronger then you think." I nudged him jokingly.

"You can say that again." He laughed back at me.

"Seriously though, don't feel like you have to do this now. I'm a big girl after all, and you had been drinking last night."

"I don't feel like I have to do anything. I want to do this. Not even because I should help the damsel in distress of whatever. But because it's you, and it's my duty as a marauder to put smiles and laughs on people's faces. So no more talk of this, okay? I'm with you in this, end of." Sirius looked so kind at me all I wanted to do was hug him. I resisted.

Sirius wanted to do this, because it was me. What did that mean?

"Thank you."

"Now then I was thinking we need a way of talking to each other." Sirius gave me a galleon coin,

"That's where these come in."

"What is it?" I inquired. It looked just like a normal galleon.

"It's altered a little, if you just think of a message and point with your wand saying 'mittere', the message is shown on the other one. It's hard to describe, just watch." Sirius took out his wand.

I grabbed my coin cradling it in my hands, staring intently at it. "Mittere." Sirius said clearly. My coin suddenly grew hot in my hands.

_You don't need sweetening up._

There on the galleon on the coin was that message inscribed into it. I rubbed my finger over the writing in the metal and it disappeared.

"That's also how you wipe off the message." I was amazed, I looked up to his mischievous grin.

"That's amazing." I exclaimed, he laughed at my reaction.

"Well you are easily pleased aren't you?" he raised his eyebrow at me again.

"Knock it off Sirius," I playfully said in return.

"I best be off soon, check on my friends. See how they all are feeling now." I didn't want to go, but I knew Lily was probably at the library by now and that I wasn't a very good liar. Especially with Lily, she always did know how to read people.

"Oh, well if you have to check on them then." I thought I heard a sound of disappointment in his voice for a second, but I knew better than that.

I got up off the sofa, Sirius followed. What were we meant to be now? Do I hug him? Is that too weird? Do we shake? I had no clue. And it seemed that Sirius wasn't too sure either.

He laughed and broke the awkward silence.

"I've seen you cry and let you ruin my shirt, and been unwaveringly nice to you and I don't even get a hug goodbye?" he barked with laughter. I loved that laugh of his, instantly made anyone around cheerful too. It was truly infectious.

I closed the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around his chest. Pressing my body a little too indecently to his. He stroked the ends of my hair with one arm whilst holding tight onto my waist with the other. I loved that my hair was shorter now. It was so much easier to handle now. Plus he was closer to me, technically speaking.

He breathed in deeply and angled his body away from mine, concluding our embrace. As soon as I let go of him my arms felt empty. As we broke away, we held each other's gaze for a few seconds. He looked down at my lips and I felt my eyes stray down that way too. I knew he was leaning closer to me.

I looked down at the ground and he stepped back.

"Shall we be off then?" I questioned.

"I guess so. Let me walk you out." He smiled. I picked up my bag from before and we moved towards the door.

As we stepped out onto the corridor, I wished that my friends weren't so aware. I wanted to kiss him so badly back there. This wasn't going to happen. I couldn't let it.

"Remember if you need me, you know how to contact me. So there is no excuse for you to not and trust me I have ways of knowing where you are." I giggled at him as he mimed pointed to his head.

"Well well, look what we have here boys." Timothy Wilkes shouted.

Great, just what I needed. An audience for Sirius Black and myself to emerge from the room of requirement looking pally together. Severus Snape, Evan Rosier and Timothy Wilkes approached from around the corner. Every gryffindor's worst nightmare.

"Shove off you lot." Sirius spat back at them.

"Black and Vance emerging from the room of requirement together." They all laughed, "We all know what that means." They began to laugh even harder.

Sirius clenched his fists next to me.

"I really think we would best be going now, sorry guys to ruin your entertainment." My voice oozed sarcasm.

"Tell us Black, did she scream?" Rosier urged at Sirius.

"What?" Sirius threw back at them.

"It's always the quiet ones. As soon as you get them in bed, they go wild." They all laughed profusely.

"I bet she's a damn good shag, her and that tight little body." Wilkes laughed.

"Shut the fuck up Wilkes." Sirius cursed.

"Personally I think we should leave Black to her. I wouldn't touch her, she's a mudblood. You might catch something." Severus piped up from behind the others.

Sirius promptly swung straight for Snape's face. I latched onto his bicep in order to stop him, but he carried me with him. Rosier and Wilkes ran away at full speed. Snape moved out of the way just in time.

Snape quickly turned on his foot and scrabbled away. "You are going to pay for that Snivellus." Sirius shouted after him.

Sirius turned back towards me. "I'm sorry, just ignore that lot." Sirius said sweetly to me.

"Everyone is going to know now." I panicked, "I can't be seen with you any longer than I already have. I need to go Sirius."

He grabbed my hand quickly. "Please, I don't want to leave it like this."

"I have the coin. I will contact you if I need you. I have to go, I'm sorry." I pushed him away and he let go of my hand.

I walked away from him quickly without turning back. I had to form a plan to tell my friends. I needed an explanation and I needed to tell them all before the slimy slytherin's got their chance. I hoped they wouldn't be too angry with me.


End file.
